Christmas Guidelines for Young Justice
by Varmint
Summary: A little short story that goes with 'Guidelines to Living with Young Justice'. What happens when Jason breaks the most important rule yet? "You can't change the naughty or nice lists!" Robin yelled at Wally, who only smirked. "Watch me."
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: What happens when Young Justice collides with Santa?**

**Rule #1: Do not tell Robin Santa Claus isn't real.**

(Twas Jason.)

**Rule #2: Do not decorate the mountain as if Santa threw up there.**

(Twas me this time.)

**Rule #3: Do not try to bake ginger bread houses or cookies.**

(Now that's just an injustice!)

**Rule #4: If you regret telling Robin that Santa isn't real, you may not fly, run, swim, or teleport into the North Pole.**

(You know who did what. Boy, that was a wild day.)

**Rule #5: You cannot try to blend in with Santa's elves or try to impersonate Mrs. Clause.**

(Robin was perfect as an elf and M'gann made herself into Mrs. Clause. You know something bad was going to happen.)

**Rule #6: You may not eat the cookies and candy that they have there.**

(They were delicious.)

**Rule #7: If you are going to the North Pole, at least don't take any weapons.**

(We took Jason, Deadpool, and Talisman with us, along with a pissed off Roy. You can do the math.)

**Rule #8: Do not allow Kaldur to befriend the penguins there.**

(Apparently, he's a Gunther-whisperer. ADVENTURE TIME REFERENCE!)

**Rule #9: Do not deface Christmas trees while you are in the North Pole.**

(Deadpool and Talisman did this.)

**Rule #10: Please, do not feed the reindeer.**

(Oops.)

**Rule #11: Do not confuse Santa for a monster.**

(It wasn't our fault he growled like a monster!)

**Rule #12: Do not try to corrupt the elves. We're still on bad terms with Santa because of that.**

(Again, I do not regret it. The North Pole needed some pizzazz!)

**Rule #13: Do not try to change the naughty and nice lists so you and the team will be the only ones to get gifts.**

(Me, Roy, Jason, Robin, Artemis, and Talisman were all on the naughty lists. So, we just decided to rewrite the list as 'Nice', then add the names of the rest of the team. Apparently, Santa fell for it!)

**Rule #14: You may not try to break the ice so you can surf.**

(Yeah, I mean, who's stupid enough to do that?! Oh, wait, I know! Talisman and Deadpool!)

**Rule #15: Do not rig the toys to blow up when opened.**

(I sent explod-o-bear to Bruce Wayne, Olliver Queen, Hal Jordan, Wade Wilson, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, James Jesse, and Hartley Rathaway. I _soo_ deserve to be on the naughty list.)

* * *

It was a normal day in the mountain. It was a few days before Christmas Eve, but the cheer and joy was there. M'gann and Zatanna were going crazy with decorations, all the while Kaldur was scolding Wally and Raquel for having had left him in the zoo a few days ago. Robin and Artemis entered the mountain with Jason in tow, who had brought Roy, Deadpool, and Talisman with him. Wally smiled and shook his head at them.

"And we wonder why the League thinks we're going Rogue." He told them, forgetting about his scolding, and sped over to his friends.

After getting glomped by Talisman, he greeted Jason, Deadpool, and Roy, then turned to Robin and Artemis. "Why does it look like Santa threw up in here?" She asked as she looked around the mountain.

Tinsel was all around the mountain, along with green, red, and white banners, mistletoe strung all around, with pictures of Santa Claus, reindeer, and whatever Christmasy you can think of. There was a large tree in the middle of the main room, already covered with the works. Wally whisteled, then turned to Zatanna and M'gann, who were smiling broadly.

"You two work fast." He noted.

Zatanna smirked at him, and said, "Well, when you have an awesome magician like myself, and an eager martian, you end up working faster than anticipated."

Wally smirked back at her, but Robin cut them off. "Wally, what did you ask Santa for?"

Wally smiled at him, and was about to answer that, but Jason cut him off. "Kid, you still believe in Santa?"

Robin turned to him, still smiling, while Wally did 'Stop it, you idiot' motions with his hands. "Of course I do, Jaybird."

Jason scoffed, crossed his arms, and smirked, "Santa ain't real, kid. Get it through your thick skull."

All went to hell after that.

**Three reviews and I'll update tomorrow. Hope you liked it.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, so I divided the rules in two more chapters. These are the rules that are covered in this chapter.**_

**Rule #3: Do not try to bake ginger bread houses or cookies.**

**Rule #4: If you regret telling Robin that Santa isn't real, you may not fly, run, swim, or teleport into the North Pole.**

**Rule #5: You cannot try to blend in with Santa's elves or try to impersonate Mrs. Clause.**

**Rule #6: You may not eat the cookies and candy that they have there.**

**Rule #7: If you are going to the North Pole, at least don't take any weapons.**

**Rule #8: Do not allow Kaldur to befriend the penguins there.**

* * *

"Santa too is real!" Robin yelled, then before Jason could regret it, had jumped and attacked the older bat.

Both boys rolled around the floor, struggling to get the upper hand, then Robin did the unthinkable by getting up and running over to the kitchen.

"Get back here, you brat!" Jason yelled, running after the younger Bat.

Wally, Zatanna, and M'gann just stared after them, and before any of them could react, Jason was screeching in pain and Robin was cackling evilly. The three of them ran towards the kithcen, to find Robin smiling evilly as Conner and Raquel tried to pry the gingerbread house off of Jason's head.

But, Robin's smile faded into a frown, then he turned to Wally, "So, guess I've been lied to my whole life, huh?"

And then he was gone. If he knew the bird well enough, he was hiding in his room, but that wasn't his biggest problem right now. Jason was still stuck with a ginger bread house on his head, and Deadpool and Talisman were coming. He smirked evilly as a plan of revenge struck him, and said, "Guys, let me try."

And before they could say no, he had grabbed a meat cleaver and hit the ginger bread house in the middle. Jason screamed in fear as the cleaver grazed his head, then glared up at Wally who was glaring down at him while pointing in the direction Robin had left.

"Apologize." He growled.

Jason rolled his eyes, and said, "I don't need to apologize for nothing."

Wally glared even more intensely, "It seems you have forgotten who has the meat cleaver here."

Jason grumbled as he got up, then walked in the direction Wally had pointed him in.

* * *

"Quick! We've got to get to the North Pole!" Jason suddenly yelled, making the teens all jump.

Kaldur eyed him wearily, then stared at the struggling blanket that was slung over his shoulder. "But, did you not say that-" Kaldur started, only for Jason to clamp his hand over his mouth, glaring at him with crazy eyes.

"I have seen it! It's real! We must get there before Robin's belief goes away!" He announced.

The teens; and anti-heroes, Deadpool and Talisman had arrived; all looked at him, then Raquel shrugged. "Why not?"

They all quickly got dressed, then they left in their own forms of transportation. The bioship was restricted, seeing that the League was tired of their escapades, and the Zeta beams were still down because of their little 'kidnapping' episode.

When then got to the barren place, Jason cackled wildly, and started running towards nothing. And suddenly, he disappeared.

"Jason!" Wally yelled, running after him, then he was gone.

One by one all of the teens ran foolishly into the unseen forcefield, well, except for Kaldur and Raquel. He sighed, then turned to her. "Do you want to see what is going on?" He asked.

She sighed, and said, "We're still stuck having to take care of them, why not have some fun?" She asked, then started walking towards the unseen thing.

Inside, the people were arguing, something about Deadpool wanting to shoot the 'little midgety people'. Wait, midgets? Kaldur looked around, only to find a long pole that was colored like a candy cane, clearly stating that it was the North Pole. And if you looked inside, there were little houses in red, white, or green, with lights all over them, snowman, snow angels, and whatever else in front of them. There were Christmas decorations all around, and there was a huge tree in the middle, with a giant Christmas star. Walking around, little elves wearing colorful clothing were completely oblivious to them, which really surprised Kaldur. What had they gotten themselves into now?

"Come on! One shot! That's all I'm asking for!" Deadpool pleaded.

"No! We have to find Sandy Claws so Roby can believe again!" Jason cackled crazily, making them all look at him.

"Are you okay, Jay?" Wally asked, making Roy growl.

"I don't understand why _I'm _here."

"Because you are Roby's best brother person! You must be here to see Sandy Claws!" Jason yelled, but before he could do anything else, he was knocked out.

Robin jumped out of the burrito that Jason had made from blankets, and looked at his team. "Where are we?" He asked.

"The North Pole." Raquel answered, eyeing Kaldur wearily as he slowly moved closer to a penguin.

Robin's eyes widened, and before they could ask what was up, Wally gasped. "Oh my gosh! Is that food?! I'm starving!" He announced, pointing at the tray an elf was taking to a giant house.

"Wait, Wally, I don't think that's-" Roy started, but the speedster was gone by then.

He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, then looked at everyone there. "Wait, where are Talisman and Deadpool?" He asked.

Everyone there shrugged, then Zatanna gasped. "Oh my glob! M'gann, is that Mrs. Clause?!" She asked, making the green girl turn in the direction she was pointing at.

M'gann squealed in excitement, then said, "Let's see if we can get an autograph!" And both of the girls were gone.

Roy sighed once more, and said, "Okay, Robin, I need you to-"

"Robin's not here." Artemis cut him off.

Roy snapped his eyes open, only to see that he was stuck with Raquel, Artemis, and Conner. "Where did the rest go?!"

"Well, last I saw, Kaldur went to befriend the penguins, Deadpool, Talisman, and Jason disappeared, Wally went to steal cookies, and Robin said something about meeting Santa Claus." Raquel answered.

Roy facepalmed, then said, "Well, let's at least try to stay together." And opened his eyes, only to find himself with Raquel only.

"Where'd the other two go?!" He screeched.

Raquel shrugged, and said, "Heard something about them wanting to see the reindeer."

Roy sighed, and said, "Oh good God... What have we just done?"

**Okay, I know it's not all the rules, but it's the majority. Also, if you tell me about the randmoness, it's the North Pole for Pete's Sakes! And in my imagination, all your worries and cares are left behind and you can do whatever the kriff you want to do there.**

**Four reviews and I'll update tomorrow.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, so I here's the end. It's been a very good three-shot to write. Hope you liked it.**_

**Rule #9: Do not deface Christmas trees while you are in the North Pole.**

**Rule #10: Please, do not feed the reindeer.**

**Rule #11: Do not confuse Santa for a monster.**

**Rule #12: Do not try to corrupt the elves. We're still on bad terms with Santa because of that.**

**Rule #13: Do not try to change the naughty and nice lists so you and the team will be the only ones to get gifts.**

**Rule #14: You may not try to break the ice so you can surf.**

**Rule #15: Do not rig the toys to blow up when opened.**

* * *

Roy looked around as he tried to find Deadpool and Talisman. Those two were the biggest threats at the moment, especially because they were both armed and dangerous. Raquel had decided to go look for Kaldur a few minutes ago as he tried to think of the best plan of attack when it came to their team. Robin was most probably trying to find Santa, Zatanna and M'gann were most probably trying to get Mrs. Clause to befriend them, Deadpool and Talisman were doing something stupid, and Kaldur was doing some weird Atlantean thing.

Yeah, this was going to be easy. Note the sarcasm.

Roy decided he should walk towards where he last saw the duo, and did so, only to find Deadpool and Talisman giggling crazily as they painted the christmas trees that were in the middle of the town.

"What are you doing?" Roy screeched, getting their attention.

"Oh no, it's the fuzz!" Talisman exclaimed.

"Let's split!" Deadpool said, then both of them were gone before Roy could wonder why they had reverted to such outdated forms of speaking.

He sighed and felt an increasing pressure in his head as he saw what they had done to the tree. For starterts, they had shaved the bottom half, and drawn smily faces all over it. Then, for some odd reason, they had thrown food pieces all around the green parts. He was going to murder them when he found them. So, he set off to find them.

* * *

When Wally found Artemis and Conner, they were at the reindeer stables, sugar cubes in their hands as Rudolf munched happily on them.

"What are you guys doing?" Wally asked, speeding over to them.

"Feeding the reindeer." Conner answered, smiling as his hand was nuzzled by Comet.

"What do you kids think you're doing?!" They heard someone with a Russian accent growl, and they quickly turned around to find a large thing with a red overcoat.

They all screamed in fear, and before he could stop himself, Wally barreled into the figure, making him fall down. All of the kids panted from their scare, and Wally smiled triumphantly as he stood on top of the figure.

"I told Rob I didn't need him with me most of the time."

"What have you done!?" Artemis yelled, noticing the white fluff that hung out from the red coat.

"Saved our lives from the abominable snow man, that's what." Wally told him.

"You just killed Santa!" Conner yelled, now seeing the man's face.

Wally deflated at this, then he looked down to see the usually jolly man's face. "We're screwed."

* * *

"Santa's lighter than I thought." Wally told Conner as they walked away from the outhouse they had left the man inside.

Conner nodded, agreeing with Wally. "He also has more tattoos."

Artemis agreed with him, and said, "You know, those little elves are pretty cute." She noted.

The midgets were walking around, as if their boss had not been 'killed', and were ignoring the kids. Wally smiled evilly as an idea came to his mind, and he sped towards one, making him jump and fall on his back.

"You know what I want for Christmas?" He asked.

The elf shook his head wildly, not sure what to make of the famed Kid Flash. "I want a pitchfork!"

And then the story of how he had to fight off an evil goose started, slowly drawing a crowd of both elves and yetis.

* * *

"Deadpool, get here right now!" Roy yelled as he saw his two targets in the middle of thin ice. With a hammer and a nail. Aimed straight at the floor.

"No! I want to surf!"

* * *

Wally smiled evilly as he snuck towards the main office of Santa's workshop, an evil plan in his mind. After he had finished corrupting the elves and telling them that the whole League but Green Arrow and his friends were to get coal, he snuck into the workshop to get to the famed Naughty or Nice lists. He got to the desk, and saw both the list, the naughty list surprisingly short.

He sighed as he sat down on Santa's huge chair, and smiled as he leaned towards the nice list. He picked it up and started speed reading through it, only to not find his name. He was wide eyed at this, then he saw the naughty list, his name the biggest there aside from Wade Wilson and Jason Todd.

"Okay, I understand why Deadpool and Reddy are here, but why me?" He asked himself, then smiled evilly once more as an idea came to him.

And he quickly erased the word Naughty from the list, wrote down nice, then erased the Nice list with Naughty. Robin snuck into the room, hoping to finally find Santa, only to find his best friend there. He let his shoulder slump as Wally looked up at him and smile at him.

"How do you do, Roby?" Wally asked.

"I'm trying to find Santa. But he isn't anywhere!" Robin told him, walking over to Wally, who chuckled nervously.

"Seriously? Who would have thought?"

Robin looked down at what Wally was doing, only to find the lists. "What the-You can't change the naughty or nice lists!" Robin yelled at Wally, who only smirked. It didn't even take a detective to know what Wally was doing. The pen was a clear indicator.

"Watch me." Then Wally thought about it a little. "Well, you missed me doing it, so you'll just have to live with the consequences." He shrugged.

Then Jason burst through the door, panting wildly as his eyes darted in every direction as they looked for the boys. "We have to go!" He told them, running over to them and grabbing their wrists.

The three ran out of the room, even if Wally and Dick didn't quite understand what was going on. "What did you do, Jay-bird?" Robin asked over the yelling and screaming from the yetis and elves. This was quite a strange North Pole.

"I might have, accidentally, rigged some toys to explode." He answered.

Wally and Robin looked at him as if he were an idiot, but he continued as they ran. "And, I may have forgotten to set the bomb for tonight, so they may explode in a few minutes."

Both of their eyes widened as they ran outside, only for the bioship to appear in front of them. "Get in!" Roy yelled from inside.

They wasted no time in doing so, jumped in, and looked back as the ship sped away from the North Pole. Suddenly, a large explosion rang out, and all of the buildings were filled with blue, green, red, black, and white paint.

"We're so going to regret this." Wally said, eyeing all of his teammates. They were screwed.

**One more chapter; the one where Santa confronts the League; then it is over! Yay, Christmas break and no more school! I feel so happy! Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

All of the kids were inside the mountain, all of them nervous for what their actions would bring. Kaldur was hugging a penguin he had brought from the Pole, Artemis and Conner were playing rock, papers, scissors, M'gann and Zatanna were chattering excitedly about what they had done in M'gann's time as Mrs. Claus, and Deadpool and Talisman were glum about the fact that they weren't able to surf in the North Pole. So, all in all, it was normal.

Jason was being chewed out by Wally and Robin, while Raquel stood to the side, smiling at his discomfort.

"That was one of the best excursions I've ever been on." She told them.

Robin smiled at her, nodded, then turned back to Jason, who was trying to sneak out of the mountain. "Uh uh! You're not leaving, Jason! If we're going down, you're going down with us!"

Jason seemed to bristle at his words, and Artemis said, "You guys have some real ass problems."

Robin shrugged, and said, "It's part of being a Bat."

But, before she could ask what he meant by that, the Zeta Beam announced Batman's entrance. Then Batman's override for a visitor. Then Flash entering. Then Superman. Then Green Lantern. You know, half of the League was announced to come.

Wally's, Artemis', and Conner's eyes widened as they saw who the visitor was, and his own narrowed. "You three." He growled, and walked even faster towards the kids.

Wally squeaked in fear, then went to hide behind, just as Artemis and Conner hid behind Raquel and Kaldur. "Gunther?" The man asked in his thick Russian accent, and the penguin "Wenk'd."

"You little thieves. Juvenile delinquents!" He started, glaring at Jason. "And you! It is all your fault! What were you thinking, bringing those monsters into the North Pole?"

Jason just looked on with wide eyes as Santa fumed, not quite sure how to answer. Batman placed a hand on the big man's shoulder, and said, "Santa, I believe we can sort this out."

Santa turned back to him, and said, "Who will be paying for the damages done to my workshop? Or the elves houses? The stables? It sure won't be those monsters!" He growled, pointing at the kids, who were now all cowering behind Superman and Green Lantern.

Batman glared at him, and sighed. "What, exactly, did they do?" He asked.

Santa sighed, then snapped his fingers, and an elf appeared next to him and handed him a stack of papers. The elf glared at the kids, then popped out, leaving Santa Claus to read it alone. "Let us see. Defaced Christmas trees, vandalized houses and gifts, a completely demolished workshop, my wife's sanity is now thickle because of the Martian and Magician girls, and many more." He said, putting down the list. "Also, let's not forget all of the Christmas gifts that were destroyed in the explosion."

Batman started to radiate anger at this, whie the rest of the Leaguers were confused and shocked. "Wait, does this mean no Christmas?" Flash asked, making Santa glare.

"No Christmas for you and your group of monsters." He told them, then zeroed in on a specific red head. "And you! Wally West!"

Wally seemed to want to hide even more behind Superman, but was pushed out of the group of teens as Raquel pushed him out. He gulped as Santa glared at him.

"You, was it not enough to bonk me on the head?" Santa said, walking towards him. "You had to change the lists too?"

Wally cringed at his tone, looking down at his feet. It seemed Santa knew that Wally was feeling guilty, so he turned to Artemis and Conner. "And you two! Giving sugar cubes to the reindeer?"

Both of them were looking down at their feet abashedly, and Santa continued. "Do you know how long it will be before those animals get off their sugar high?! Do you know what will happen in those weeks? We have to restrain them while the sugar leaves!"

And then he turned to M'gann and Zatanna. "And you two! Do you know what my wife went through because of you!? I now have to pay a therapist!" He told them.

It seems all of the kids there but Kaldur and Raquel got chewed out, along with Jason and Deadpool. Apparently, trying to surf in the North Pole was one of the dumbest things ever. Now, they were all in the naughty list; again, apart from Raquel and Kaldur; and they would be recieving coal for Christmas and Easter. Don't ask.

When Santa turned to leave, Kaldur hugged his penguin even tighter, not wanting Pearl to leave. Yes, he had named his penguin Pearl.

"Gunter!" Santa called.

"Wenk?" Pearl asked from Kaldur's arms.

"We are leaving!" Santa said, all the while the whole League stood as far away as possible for him. They did not want to mess with St. Nicholas now.

"Wenk!" Pearl's eyes narrowed, making Kaldur believe she said no.

Santa turned to her, eyebrows up in surprise. "What? You are not staying with these delinquents!"

"Wenk!" Pearl turned her face, to not look at Santa anymore as her arms crossed.

"You cannot stay here! It is not cold enough!"

"Wenk!"

"What do you mean you like the warm?"

"Wenk!"

Santa gasped, making them all wonder what had ust happened. "You dare kiss your mother with that mouth?!"

"What did he say?" Artemis whispered to Conner, wanting to understand what was going on.

"Do I look like a penguin whisperer?"

Artemis blushed, but nodded. "You do."

"Wenk!" Pearl growled, now seeming to want to fight Santa.

"Really?! Well, come at me!" Santa challenged.

Kaldur held on to the enraged penguin even tighter, as Santa raised his fists and got in a stance ready for fighting. "Wenk! Wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk!" Pearl yelled, and Wally finally had it.

"What the heck is going on?!" He yelled, making everything quiet down.

Kaldur cleared his throat, and said, "I believe he just called Santa a 'thumb sucking mama's boy'."

And Wally burst out laughing at how red Santa's face was. "Oh, this is too good! Santa getting told off by a penguin!" He exclaimed.

"Have at thee!" Santa yelled, and was about to attack Wally, who was still rolling on the floor.

Luckily, Superman grabbed Santa before anything bad could happen, and while Santa cursed everything that had to do with superheroes, he crossed the Zeta Beam with him. All was quiet except for Wally's laughter, but that cut off with a sharp kick from Jason. Batman glared at all of them, and said, "This is the last straw. You will all head up to the North Pole to repair and rebuild, and you will all take your punishments without complaint."

All of the teens stayed quiet after this, and once all the League was gone, Wally smiled up at them. "Should we find out if the Easter Bunny is real?"

**And there it is! The End! I'll most probably do an Easter addition to this, but, until then, please review!**


End file.
